Poor, Poor Captain Short
by PikaChica
Summary: Holly is feeling under the weather, and for once Artemis is a bit unsure of what to do. As it turns out, the boy genius isn't very good at interacting with hysterical elves. He finds out that fairy PMS can be pretty dangerous. The hard way.
1. The Drama Begins

**A/N: Hey guys! This little plot bunny had been wriggling around in my brain for quite some time. Enjoy!**

**Also, I have this story completely written out, so don't be afraid that I'll stop in the middle of it like my other story, **_**Laser Tag. **_

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Poor, Poor Captain Short

Holly was not in a good mood.

This morning she'd spilled sugar all over the table while sleepily dumping more than necessary into her cereal. Then, as she cleaned up the mess, the elf forgot about her toast until the fire alarm alerted her. Fairies do not like loud noises, and Holly Short was no exception. Unfortunately, her cold-hearted fire alarm went on screeching despite this fact. Her patience worn thin, Holly threw one of her combat boots at the device instead of waving away the thick black smoke.

Such a catastrophe made her late for work. She dumped her sugary sweet cereal down the sink in favor of a power bar and decided that she'd allow herself a quick visit to the bathroom before rushing out the door. Which was when she realized that it really wasn't a great time of month for her.

She would have called in sick right then and there, but Holly knew she had a short day at work. Today was when she was supposed to visit Artemis. Even though the Mud Boy had proved time and time again that he was a changed person who could be (mostly) trusted, the LEP still kept tabs on him. Short was the obvious person for this job.

Holly pretended to be irritated at having to "babysit" Artemis, but truthfully she quite liked the jaunts above the surface. Often she stayed much longer than required to have more time at the Fowl Estate with her good friends.

I'll just be brief today, she thought, then I'll come home and rest a bit.

She zoomed across the Irish countryside taking in deep lungfuls of the crisp air. A thin blanket of snow covered the ground and sparkled in the weak sunshine. The few straggling snowflakes that still swirled in the air made the whole scene take on a dreamlike quality. The trees were lightly frosted and contrasted beautifully with the blue sky despite the few gray clouds hovering in the background. Normally she would fully enjoy such a treat, but she couldn't keep a prickle of irritation out of her thoughts.

_It's so cold out, d'arvit! How do these Mud Men stand it?! _

Captain Short really couldn't feel the December air through her heated helmet and shimmer suit, but she needed something to complain about. She also cursed the goose that flew below her for a bit, and the snowflakes that landed on her helmet, and her whole stupid job and the whole stupid world. Mostly though, she grumbled about Artemis and how if he'd just been a good boy like she'd asked him to, then she wouldn't have to fly out to his manor every single month.

Her fingers absentmindedly fluttered over her stomach. She wasn't in any pain yet, but Holly knew she ought to get back as soon as possible before the calm was over and the storm began.

She skidded to a halt at Fowl's front door, nearly losing her balance on the icy spots, and pounded impatiently with the brass knocker. She tapped her foot and unshielded.

After a minute or two she heard footsteps and the door swung open.

"Hello, Captain Short. It's a pleasure to be seeing you again."

He did look genuinely pleased. A small smile played at the corners of his mouth and he fingered the lapel of his Armani suit in a distracted manner, as he always did when he was happy.

His happiness annoyed her. His stupid _face_ annoyed her.

"It's cold outside. And I almost slipped," Holly said in an accusatory tone, as if it was somehow Artemis' fault.

She shouldered roughly past him and tucked her helmet under her arm.

"Would you like some tea? Or perhaps a mug of hot chocolate? Butler can make divine hot chocolate using fresh Brazilian cocoa beans."

He swept his arm vaguely towards the kitchen.

"Just show me you laboratory, Mud Boy."

Artemis blinked in surprise (he didn't literally blink, he just did the mental equivalent of a surprised blink. Artemis Fowl didn't blink unless absolutely necessary). They hadn't actually gone anywhere near his lab on a "parole" visit in a while, Holly preferring to explore the curious world of Mud Man culture. Once they'd gone to an amusement park where Holly attacked a fire juggler thinking he was a particularly notorious goblin, and another time they'd spent the whole day watching silly action movies.

"Well, alright. If that is what you would like to. Did someone figure out that you were not, in fact, making sure I was keeping out of illegal activity?"

"No! Maybe I just want to do my job right."

Artemis chuckled.

"If by "right" you mean "following directions" I would be most impressed. When was the last time you did your job "right"?"

"Shut up, Artemis. How I do my job is my business alone," Holly struggled to keep up with Artemis' pace, the large human-sized stairs hindering her, "And slow down, for Frond's sake!"

Artemis frowned. Holly was generally not this frosty. They descended the staircase without another word until they came to a certain section of the wall. Artemis pushed it open to reveal a secret room.

"Here we are. Have a look around, but don't… _touch _anything without my permission."

"I'll touch whatever I want, Artemis." Holly growled in a low voice.

She was glad to be given an order that could be disobeyed completely out of spite. With a sort of vicious pleasure, Captain Short promptly knocked over a complicated-looking glass thing.

"That was a prototype for an eco-friendly generator!" Artemis cried, "It took me months to create!"

He knelt down and picked out some of the bigger glass shards and placed them on the table, then set to work examining the wires and circuit boards inside. To his relief, he discovered that the electronic part of the generator was fine, and only the outer glass vase was harmed. Of course, he didn't reveal this to Holly for fear she'd come back to finish the job "right".

"Oopsies." Holly sang venomously.

Underneath her irritability, a feeling of dread had settled in Holly's stomach. She could tell that the cramps would start soon, as hostile behavior was always a prelude to them. Somewhat similar to human PMS. Except far, far worse.

"What has gotten into you, my friend? Are you alright?"

Artemis asked this in such a gentle voice it made Holly want to cry right there.

Which is another warning sign, she thought.

"I'm fine!"

"I don't think so."

He sounded again like his annoying genius self who was about to psychoanalyze her.

"I'm fine."

Holly looked at some of his gadgets with a bored expression, not really taking in anything she saw. When she came up to a cylindrical chamber with a glass door, she stepped inside.

"I wouldn't press any buttons in there…" Artemis raised a hand as if to stop her, then thought better of it.

Holly would have liked to disobey him then as well, but she knew pressing a big red button while in a tube that belonged in the old Mud Man show Lost in Space was a very bad idea. So she got out.

"Tell me what is wrong, Holly."

"I'm fine." She repeated.

"I can tell you are not fine." He crossed his arms.

"Mind your own beeswax."

"Did you go on another bad date with Trouble?"

That was the worst possible thing Artemis could have said. For someone who could have been a certified psychologist, the boy genius knew next to nothing about social cues.

Holly slowly looked up from the box of stuff she was rummaging in.

"I mean, you haven't had a very good record with the Commander, and I think we all know he and Lily Frond…"

He trailed off and made a mental note to refrain from mentioning the Captain's personal life.

A glass beaker exploded on the wall right by his head, showering him in a stereotypical greenish goo.

"That could have been acid, Holly." He said coolly.

Maybe if he was more terrified, Holly would have let him off more easily. But she hated his composure and was determined to shatter it with a fancy looking remote.

"Hold on a minute!"

The remote struck him in the chest.

"_How dare you!" _Holly shrieked, "You don't have a girlfriend either, Mud Boy! Stupid _Mud Boy!"_

She looked around the room for another projectile, but there was nothing left to throw.

Stupid Artemis with his stupid clean laboratory, she thought.

"Maybe Trouble _does _like me! Ever thought of that?" In an instant her rage turned to sorrow, "Or maybe you're right. I bet I'll die alone! I'll be alone forever!"

Artemis decided he preferred anger over tears.

"D-don't cry!"

Usually Holly would be very smug after making the genius stutter, but she was too preoccupied by her sobs at the moment. She might not have even heard the slip.

"Forever!" She collapsed to her knees and allowed her tears to drip straight onto the concrete.

"There, there." Artemis gingerly patted the back of Holly's head and hoped that she wouldn't bite his head off.

The Captain winced as she felt a stab of pain in her abdomen. The sane part of her brain wished she had brought her painkillers with her. It also urged her that she had to leave _now._

"I've gotta go, Artemis." She hiccupped and wiped her cheeks.

The elf threw open the tiny laboratory window (she thought that was kind of odd, a secret laboratory with a window that gave it away) and stepped on the ledge.

During the short period of time that she'd been in Fowl Manor, those menacing storm clouds she'd seen on the way in had rolled overhead. Fat white snowflakes whirled around in the air. It was practically a blizzard. Holly paled at the thought of flying in such a storm, but she had to get going.

"Holly, what do you think you are doing!? You cannot fly in such harsh weather! And frankly, you seem a little unstable to me."

Artemis sensed that something was very wrong. Just then, a few blue sparks of magic skittered around Holly's torso.

"You are hurt! Stop this, and stay overnight here! We have multiple vacant guest rooms!" Artemis wondered if this was what it was like to run a bed and breakfast.

"I'll be _fine!_"

She was about to hurl herself straight into the blizzard when a bright cocoon of blue magic engulfed her midriff.

"D-d'arvit."

The elf's shoulders lurched forward like she was going to throw up. One of her hands fluttered to her abdomen and the other to her mouth. She swayed a little because of the pain with her face contorted in agony, and then, her expression went slack and her eyes rolled back up into her head.

Holly Short fainted and fell backwards out the window, trailing streaks of blue behind her.

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**How is it so far? Should I post the rest of the story? This was originally meant to be a one shot, but it got a little bit longer than I originally intended. Remember, don't forget to push that gosh darn cute review button!**


	2. Artemis is Enlightened

**Thanks for all the reviews! And WriterGuy1, I would have posted the whole thing, but there is still some minor editing to do. Shouldn't take too long, though! :)**

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"Holly!"

Artemis Fowl ran to the window and looked outside. Holly fell like a dead weight for a few feet until her wings flipped her over. That effectively turned her fall into a rather alarming glide towards the ground. She face planted and proceeded to do a few impressive yet unintentional somersaults.

Artemis ran to the back door as fast as his skinny legs could carry him. As he rushed through the kitchen he alerted Butler with a simple yet urgent wave of his hand.

No one knows how he did it, but Butler managed to look macho setting down a tea kettle while wearing a "Kiss the Chef" apron. Such was one of the mysterious ways of the body guard.

Butler's young charge ran out into the snow in his good shoes, without his jacket. The captain curled into the fetal position on the ground, rocking slowly back and forth. She sighed deeply as he got to her side. It was almost as if the elf was _happy_.

Artemis was about to dispel this theory as just a side effect of hitting one's head after a fall when Holly's mouth twitched and she smiled. As the sparks danced around her body healing scratches and bruises, she moaned with pleasure and snuggled deeper into the ice.

Artemis raised her eyelids with his thumb.

"Her eyes seem to be okay, but I do not think that everything is quite right, old friend."

Butler agreed. As the cuts and bruises healed, the blue sparks danced back to her abdomen instead of disappearing. During this, her blissful smile also disappeared. She clenched her teeth.

"Let us take her up to a guest room, shall we Butler? I need to consult with Foaly about these symptoms. This could possibly be a new strain of Spelltropy, or internal bleeding."

Artemis' stomach flip flopped. Spelltropy would be very, very bad.

"Let's hope it's anything but that."

Butler slung Holly over his shoulder as gently as he could. She screamed so loud he nearly dropped her.

"What-?"

The elf thrashed wildly and tried to flip herself over onto her back. The blue sparks increased. Butler was forced to carry her cradled against his chest.

Once Holly was howling in the guest room's king sized bed, Artemis rushed to his computer.

"Hey Arty boy, how's it going?" Quipped the centaur.

Artemis decided to ignore the "Arty boy" comment in favor of Holly's well being.

"Not great. I think Holly is sick. She fainted."

"What? Fairies don't get sick, Artemis, you know that. Their magic just heals them."

Artemis picked up the laptop and pointed to webcam at Holly.

"She is in a great deal of pain, and her magic keeps trying to heal her abdomen. I am wondering if it is some sort of internal problem? Have you ever seen this before?"

Foaly coughed.

Artemis spun the laptop back to face himself.

"Well? I am wondering if it could be a new strain of Spelltropy, which would be a disaster. We need to get her to Haven as quickly-"

"Artemis?" Foaly looked uncomfortable.

"Yes?"

"It's Holly's time of the month." Foaly put air quotes around "time of the month".

Artemis stared at him blankly.

"Is this a serious affliction?" He still didn't get it.

"She's on her period." He clarified.

"What? Then why-"

"Female fairies get cramps just like human females do. Except their magic tries to heal them from the pain, so the, um," Foaly reddened, "Uterus has to work harder to, y'know, do its job. The only way to alleviate the pain is to direct to magic somewhere else, so oftentimes fairies will injure themselves to bring relief."

"I see."

Artemis' normally pale face turned slightly pink. That explained her relief when she fell out the window, at least.

"Usually they have a painkiller that helps the cramps and also dulls their magical abilities, but I'm assuming that Holly thought she could get back home before she really needed it. If they don't take it in time, fainting is very common."

"Oh."

"There's also the hormonal imbalance in the brain that occurs and causes the fairy to become emotional, which is similar to PMS. Unfortunately, the magic perceives this to be a wound too, and it tries to fix the brain. Which addles their senses even more."

As if on cue, a couple sparks skittered over Holly's forehead.

"So, what do I do?" Artemis' voice was squeaky.

Foaly brayed.

"Artemis Fowl asking me for help! Oh, that's rich," he paused to wipe a tear from the corner of his eye, "She's going to be out of commission for about a day. Just let her rest, and be _extremely_ nice to her. I think. I've never dealt with a PMSing fairy. Oops, gotta go. Toodles!"

"Wait-"

But Foaly was already gone. Artemis shut his laptop slowly and turned to Butler, who just shrugged. For once, he was completely out of his league.

Holly's eyes began to flutter.

"Oh Frond…" She curled even tighter into a ball.

"Is there anything I can do?" Artemis asked from a safe distance.

"I'm okay. Just have a little cold."

"You do not have a cold, Holly."

Artemis gulped as Holly stopped writhing under the covers.

"What did you do." It was said as more of a statement than a question.

"I thought you were sick! So I called Foaly and-"

"D'ARVIT!" Holly boomed.

Artemis backed up so he was directly in front of a large arm chair, ready to grab a pillow to shield himself if needed. Artemis knew the heavy brass lamp was a bad choice.

"He's going to be leaving tampons on my desk for weeks!" she groaned and pulled the covers up over her head.

Artemis decided to take the detached, scientific approach.

"Every female has a menstrual cycle. It is a very natural thing and nothing to be ashamed of."

"Don't say that."

"Pardon?"

"Don't call it a 'menstrual cycle'. Oh, gods, gross."

"Why don't you just-"

He was interrupted by another howl of pain on Holly's part. There was a faint glow of sparks underneath the sheets and the poor elf thrashed about.

"Leave, Artemis, before I _kill you!_"

She grabbed a fairly expensive lamp on the bedside table and flung it at Artemis. Butler, who'd been standing there all the while, swatted it away and saved the young genius from an eggplant sized bruise.

"Time to go."

He scooped Artemis up much like he'd carried Holly and walked quickly out of the room.

"Butler, that was completely unnecessary. I am not twelve anymore."

As they high tailed it away from the guest room, Angeline Fowl happened around the corner and was nearly run over.

"My, my! What's the matter?" she raised her fingers to her mouth delicately.

"Erm, Holly is feeling rather under the weather, so she will be staying her for the night. It is best that she remains undisturbed, because-"

But it was too late. With a few motherly exclamations, Angeline had already drifted away to comfort the elf.

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**And the plot thickens! I admit, I laughed pretty hard at the line "Butler, that was completely unnecessary. I am not twelve anymore."**

**Next chapter: Artemis consults Juliet and tries to weasel out of a shopping trip! Review, review, review! I consider any suggestions! Also, I LOVE it when reviewers try to guess what happens next (hint, hint).**

**Also, I heard that they were going to make an AF movie, but nothing ever happened. Does anyone know the dealio?**


	3. Shopping Trip of Doom

**A/N: Here's the next chapter! Yay! **

* * *

Holly was dizzy with pain.

The ceiling swirled and warped before her eyes, that is, when her eyes were open. She preferred greatly to keep them shut. Rolling waves of nausea kept her curled tightly in a ball, and she massaged her ears like she always did when worried.

If I puke in this bed, she thought, I will die from embarrassment. I'll throw myself out the window again, but this time it'll be on purpose.

Someone sat on the edge of the bed. Holly prayed to Frond that it wasn't Artemis.

"Oh, dear, I'll fetch you a hot water bottle."

Angeline's cool, regal hand felt her forehead. Somehow the woman knew exactly what was wrong with Holly without her saying a word.

"S-sorry for the trouble, ma'am." Holly managed to spit out.

"Nonsense, darling. Artemis never lets me take care of him, and Juliet and Domovoi never get sick. Now don't you worry, I'll send Artemis to the store for some items that you may need."

Holly mentally face palmed. Angeline noticed her ears turning red.

"I assure you, it will be a lot more embarrassing for Artemis. He needs the practice, anyways. For any future lady friends he might acquire."

The bed creaked soothingly and Angeline stood up to leave.

"Get some rest, dear."

* * *

Butler and Artemis exchanged glances and waited in the foyer, expecting to hear a crash or other such violent noises.

A minute passed and all seemed to be well.

"Come on, Butler. We can't allow Holly to seriously injure my mother."

He nodded in assent, despite his uneasiness, and they trudged back up the stairs. Both of them dithered outside the room. Artemis Fowl was unaccustomed to dithering of any sorts.

"This is ridiculous, Butler."

Artemis threw open the door with a flourish (quite the dramatic flourish, I might add) to find his mother, unscathed, on her way out.

"Arty dear, I have an errand for you. Please hurry over to the grocery store."

She placed a crisply folded piece of paper into her son's hand and flounced down the stairs. Holly was sleeping soundly, with blue flashes visible under the covers every so often.

Artemis marveled yet again at what a calming presence his mother had, enough to soothe a menstruating fairy. He made a mental note to further research this phenomenon that only mothers posessed.

Butler read the shopping list over the teenager's shoulder, and then turned to leave.

"Good luck with that, Artemis. I'll make some lunch in anticipation of your return."

Artemis opened his mouth to reply, but first read the few items that his mother had requested.

"Traitor. What if I'm kidnapped on my way there?"

"It's time for you to gain some independence, I think."

Artemis stared at the piece of paper with a sinking feeling in his stomach. Written in fancy cursive were the words "tampons, pads, extra strength Ibuprofen".

I am a certifiable genius, and yet I haven't the slightest idea of how to get out of a simple shopping trip, he thought.

* * *

In a futile attempt to weasel out of said shopping trip, he reluctantly sought out Juliet. She was in the home gym (no surprise there) practicing her boxing in a pink bedazzled jumpsuit that she'd bought only a few days before. Loud shouts of "Hya! Hya!" coupled with the muted thump of the punching bag peppered the air.

Artemis had been down to the gym only a handful of times, and he never could figure out the appeal of the place. It was sweaty, and smelled smoky for the atmosphere was heavy with chalk dust.

"Juliet?" He asked quietly.

The wrestler didn't appear to hear, or at least was ignoring him.

"Juliet!"

"What? Oh, hey, Scrawny Chicken!"

Recently Juliet had started to refer to Artemis as Scrawny Chicken. He suspected it was a plot between Juliet and her brother to convince Artemis to work out more often. Or ever.

"Juliet, I have a favor to ask of you."

Juliet turned back to her punching bag.

"Oh yeah? Shoot."

"Do you have any of these I could borrow?" Artemis held out the list.

"Any of what?" Juliet didn't turn around.

"Any… feminine hygiene products?"

"Whoosie whatsies?"

Juliet knew exactly what Artemis meant, but she wanted to make him say the actual words.

Artemis knew that Juliet knew exactly what he meant, but she wanted to make him say the actual words.

"Do you have pads, tampons, and extra strength Ibuprofen?"

Juliet stopped and turned around. Artemis finally had her full attention.

"Of course I do, silly. I _am _a girl. What do you want them for? Some sick experiment?"

"No."

Artemis wondered if Holly would attack him if he told Juliet the truth. He decided to play it safe.

"Then why do you want them?"

"Mother requested them."

"I'm sure your mother has her own supply, Scrawney."

A faint blush rose to his cheeks. But Juliet was absolutely correct, why didn't Angeline just lend Holly some of hers? He sighed.

"Juliet, Holly may need to borrow some-"

"Aww, poor thing! They're in my bathroom."

Of course. Artemis should have checked there in the first place.

I must really be losing my touch, he thought.

"But, I doubt they would be of much use to Holly."

"Why ever not?" he blinked, wondering if he had missed yet another piece of vital information.

Juliet sat down and started doing some stretches.

"The pads, sure. But do you have any idea where a tampon goes, Scrawny Chicken?"

His blush deepened.

"Of course."

"And do you know how much smaller Holly is compared to the average human?"

Oh. Yes. That made sense. He nodded.

"I'm sure she has a very tiny-"

"Thank you, Juliet."

Artemis Fowl ran out of there faster that he'd ever run before.

"Maybe you should ask her, to be sure!" she called up the stairs after him, her sentence punctuated by a cackle.

* * *

Half an hour later, Artemis Fowl returned home from the grocery store with the smallest size of tampons. He would have been quicker if not for the nasty weather conditions. Butler answered the door with a barely discernible smile on his face that was usually expressionless.

"Now you know what it's like to have a girlfriend." He rumbled.

"Shut up, Butler."

He made sure as much ice as possible was wiped off of his shoes before he entered the manor.

"Arty, you're back! Holly is feeling much better now, you'll be glad to hear. She and Juliet are in her room watching a movie. I trust you went to the store as I asked?" It was an innocent enough question, but a challenge sparked in Angeline's eyes.

"Yes, mother." Artemis held out the plastic shopping bag as proof.

"Thank you, dearest," She ruffled his hair and started to walk to the kitchen, "Please take them up to her."

Artemis sighed internally once again. He hoped that he could simply set the bag on the little desk while Holly was out of it, or better yet, asleep. It would save them both some considerable discomfort.

He trudged up the steps and heard laughter from behind the guest room door, as well as muffled sounds from the television. Being the gentleman that he was, he knocked politely.

"Come in!" Juliet hollered.

The two girls were snuggled in the big bed, watching a comedy. Artemis vaguely recognized the chick flick as She's the Man. Candy wrappers were strewn everywhere (mostly on Holly's side of the bed). The elf looked considerably more cheerful, but her face was still wan and pale (except for the adorable smear of chocolate on her lip). Her hand was wrapped in a suspicious amount of sparks.

"Holly…?"

She looked at her hand sheepishly.

"I stabbed myself with a butter knife to redirect the magic. I suppose Foaly told you all the gory details."

"I tried to stop her, but she's a quick one." Juliet tossed a brightly colored sweet into her open mouth.

"Well, I brought your, ah, supplies."

Artemis set the bag down on the bed between the two girls.

"Sorry about that." The tips of Holly's ears were red, though she tried to remain nonchalant.

"Didja have fun, Scrawney? Ha, I would have paid to have seen you checking out!" Juliet cackled again (her favorite wrestler had a signature cackle).

"Oh, I had lots of fun."

Artemis winced at the memory and started to leave, but Juliet was too quick for him. With an expertly thrown pillow, the door shut.

"I saw that look. Spill."

"It was nothing. A minor encounter."

Knowing that if he tried to execute an escape plan he'd be fully incapacitated by Juliet, Artemis took a seat in the armchair.

"Ohmigosh, an encounter?! Did you run into anyone you know?"

Artemis looked down at his shoes.

"Who?!" Juliet squealed, "Who could you possibly have seen?!"

"Minerva."

It was true. He'd run into Minerva, in a grocery store, in_ Dublin. _If there was such a thing as fate, it was certainly cruel.

"Where? Were you in line or anything?" Holly piped up. Her embarrassment was trumped by her curiosity.

"No. We were in the women's section." He coughed.

Both Juliet and Holly shrieked with laughter.

"No. Way." Holly gasped.

"What did she do? You have to tell us what she did!"

Artemis wondered vaguely if this was what it was like to have "girl talk".

"She said "Artemis, _bojour!"_ and threw her arms around me. Actually, she didn't seem the least bit embarrassed or curious as to why I was buying what I was buying."

"French women." Juliet nodded wisely.

By now Holly's hand was completely healed and a wail of pain cut through her giggles.

"Take the Ibuprofen."

Holly grabbed the little bottle from the bag, unscrewed it, and downed the whole thing in one gulp. She settled back and made herself comfortable, seemingly oblivious to Juliet and Artemis' horrified stares.

"What?"

"Holy crap! Y-you just-" Juliet grabbed the bottle and examined the label.

"Human medicine doesn't really affect fairies. I have to take a lot more that you guys."

That didn't really do much to reassure them.

"So tell me, Holly," Artemis once again adopted his cold, detached genius personality, "Are the cramps you are experiencing the normal level of severity for all menstruating fairies?"

Holly fiddled with her ear and looked away.

"Yeah, but usually we have our painkillers. Magical Midol, if you will," She shuddered, "Once Vinyaya forgot to take hers, and two different elves went home with broken bones before she fainted. She really was a terror."

Both Juliet and Artemis cringed.

"Thank goodness you were never on the rag during some crazy adventure," Juliet said, "That would have sucked."

"That's one of the reasons why it's so hard for female fairies to gain equality in the LEP. We can be quite unpredictable."

And at the end of her sentence, Holly Short was asleep.

* * *

**A/N: I wanna know what love issssssssss! And I know you can show meeeeeee! (Through reviews)**

**About the movie: That's pretty lame! They better hurry up and finish it, even though it'll probably be terrible. I would be incredibly impressed if they were able to make the fairies look even a little bit un-stupid.**

**Also: I'm thinking about doing one of those Q&A fics, where you ask the characters questions. Too cliché/overdone/dumb?**


	4. Fin

**This is the last chapter (It's sort of mini, as you can see)! I threw in a little treat for all you AxH fans :) **

**WriterGuy1: Some very helpful people posted info on the movie in the reviews. Unfortunately, it looks like they've just been messing around and not much has gotten done.**

**Gaasyendietha: I'll have to check it out, and I guess it's not possible to post URLs X)**

**Ru-Doragon: Your reviews always make me laugh X) And I could totally see Halle playing Holly. IF she died her hair red.**

The next morning Holly was feeling much better. After managing to eat a surprising amount of chocolate for breakfast, she was ready to get back home.

"You are sure you can fly?"

They were standing in the foyer, the morning light casting golden parallelograms on the marble floor. Artemis handed Holly her helmet.

"Sure I'm sure, Mud Boy."

"Take care of yourself."

She stepped outside into the snow and shivered.

"I'll be fine!"

The captain shimmered out of the visible spectrum and hovered a few inches off the ground, her wings fluttering like a hummingbird's.

"And thanks for taking care of me, Arty."

Artemis couldn't be sure, but he was sure that he felt the whisper of elfin lips upon his cheek.

"Next time that you are menstruating, keep a log of your emotions and the intensity of the pain, and send them to me! You can be my first research subject!" he called after her, trying to conceal the electric shock that still tingled on his face.

A minute later, his face tingled for a different reason. The fairy had managed to procure a giant snowball out of nowhere. Artemis wondered if magic was involved, and if he was going to get a black eye.

Holly Short arrived back headquarters a couple of hours later. As she walked through the halls, she got a few odd looks that unsettled her. Back at her desk, she discovered the source of the whispers: a brightly wrapped gift with a bow on top.

Foaly was not all that surprised when a flaming box of tampons crashed through the Ops Booth's window.

**So that's the end! Be sure to tell me what you thought in a review!**

**By the way, I just noticed something. Artemis was born and raised in Ireland, right? So wouldn't he speak in an Irish accent? O.o Somehow I can't imagine it…**

**I think I'm going to start a series of drabbles. Be on the lookout!**


End file.
